Jokes

Discussions regarding actual culture and history of Earth.
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Fri 08 Apr 2016, 22:03

Here's a similar Mandarin/English bilingual joke copied from another website:

Deng Xiaoping is visiting the US. Tired of being shadowed by his entourage at all times, he decides to go for a walk on his own. This alarms his translators and bodyguards who fear that Mr. Deng will get into trouble since he does not speak any English. However, realizing that they cannot change his mind, they decide to at least prepare him in case he gets stopped by the police. "If you get stopped", they coached him, "they'll first ask for your surname and then they'll ask for your given name. Just tell them and everything will be fine". So Mr. Deng goes out and enjoys himself. A policeman recognizes him. Having heard that Mr. Deng prides himself in his knowledge of American history, he decides to start a conversation with an appropriate subject.

Policeman: Who was the first president of the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 我姓邓。 (Wǒ xìng Dèng. [wɔ˨˩ ɕiŋ˥˧ tɤŋ˥˩] "My surname is Deng.")
Policeman: Yes, Washington. And what are you doing in the U.S?
Mr. Deng: 小平。 (Xiǎopíng. [ɕjɑʊ̯˨˩pʰiŋ˧˥] "Xiaoping.")
Policeman: Ah, shopping. Very good. Have nice day!.
:eng: - Native
:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
:jpn: - A2
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WeepingElf
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Re: Jokes

Post by WeepingElf » Sat 04 Jun 2016, 20:54

That's a good one. Thanks for sharing!
... brought to you by the Weeping Elf
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Sun 26 Jun 2016, 01:02

Here's a joke that happens to work equally well in English and Spanish:

¿Adónde van los gatos cuando se mueren?
Al purGATOrio.

Where do cats go when they die?
PURRgatory.
Edit: Apparently it also works in Italian and Portuguese:

Dove vanno i gatto quando muoiono?
Nel purGATTOrio.

Para onde os gatos vão quando morrem?
Para o purGATOrio.
:eng: - Native
:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
:jpn: - A2
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k1234567890y
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Re: Jokes

Post by k1234567890y » Thu 21 Jul 2016, 11:35

It is said that jokes often have something to do with the feeling of superiority, in many cases we make jokes to make ourselves feel superior than others, and there are many "politically incorrect" jokes...

http://www.richardwiseman.com/LaughLab/super.html
Click here and here to know more about me.

夢見るオンナノコ(Dreaming girls)
だれでもプリンセス(All of them are princesses)
恋するオンナノコ(Girls in love)
ホンキ!ムテキ!カンペキ!(Serious! Invincible! Perfect!)
Zythros Jubi
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Re: Jokes

Post by Zythros Jubi » Thu 21 Jul 2016, 18:04

loglorn wrote:Iolō
What would be its reflex like? Jolar/juelo or yolar/yuelo in Spanish, giolare/giuolo in Italian... and joar/joo in Portuguese, even a joara in Romanian?
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Dormouse559
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » Sun 07 Aug 2016, 03:47

Proper use of English adverbs:
Spoiler: show
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magicmetal03
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Re: Jokes

Post by magicmetal03 » Thu 18 Aug 2016, 01:33

The English alphabet has 26 alphabets. If E and T leaves how many alphabets in the English Alphabet is left?

Answer: 21, since E and T makes ET, which is an alien. So, it needs to take UFO with them.
The snow never bothered me anyways...
clawgrip
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Re: Jokes

Post by clawgrip » Fri 19 Aug 2016, 09:27

I thought English only had one alphabet.
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Re: Jokes

Post by Zythros Jubi » Fri 19 Aug 2016, 14:21

Well, only Mongolian, Kazakh, Serbian-Bosnian-Montenegrin and Persian-Tajik etc. have more than one alphabet.
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Sun 09 Oct 2016, 22:01

A Mandarin pun:

Simplified:

为什么飞机飞这么高都不会撞到星星呢?

因为星星会闪。

Traditional:

為什麼飛機飛這麼高都不會撞到星星呢?

因為星星會閃。

Translation:

Why don't airplanes bump into the stars while flying so high?

Because the stars shine.

(The joke is that 闪/閃 can mean either "to shine" or "to dodge", so the punchline could be interpreted as "because the stars shine" or "because the stars get out of the way")
:eng: - Native
:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
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sangi39
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Re: Jokes

Post by sangi39 » Mon 27 Mar 2017, 17:26

Just a quick one:

"In France, people are so tough the eat pain every day"
You can tell the same lie a thousand times,
But it never gets any more true,
So close your eyes once more and once more believe
That they all still believe in you.
Just one time.
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Tue 28 Mar 2017, 03:12

My current favorite Spanish pun:

P: ¿Qué le dice el 1 al 10?

R: Para ser como yo, debes ser sincero.

Translation:

Q: What does the 1 say to the 10?

R: To be like me, you should be sincere.
Spoiler: show
The joke is that "sincero" (sincere) sounds exactly the same as "sin cero" (without [a] zero).
:eng: - Native
:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
:jpn: - A2
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Dormouse559
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » Sun 02 Apr 2017, 17:18

Awhile ago, a dead body was found at the point where the borders of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah meet. To deal with the unusual situation, each of those states sent an official to determine the cause of death. The event was called Four Coroners.
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All4Ɇn
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Re: Jokes

Post by All4Ɇn » Sun 09 Apr 2017, 00:49

Here's one everyone everyone in my French class knows:
Comment s’appelle un chien qui vend des médicaments?
Un pharmachien

Translation:
What you call a dog that sells medicine?
A pharmadog (obviously doesn't work in English)
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Sat 15 Apr 2017, 22:21

Two jokes I came up with:

Q: What does a Japanese person say if you ask them do describe the sky and then punch them in the gut?

A: 青い!


Q: What disease will a Japanese person always deny having if you suggest that they have it?

A: Sojanitis

Spoiler: show
Explanation:
  • 青い, which means "blue" or "it is blue", is pronounced /aoi/, which is the sound someone might make upon being punched in the gut.
  • "Sojanitis" sounds like そうじゃないです sou ja nai desu, a somewhat formal way of saying "it isn't so". (the final u in desu is often devoiced)
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:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
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GrandPiano
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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » Sun 23 Apr 2017, 21:02

I recently came across this Latin quote:

Beati hispani, quibis vivere bibere est.

Translation: The lucky Spanish, for whom living is drinking.

When I saw the quote, it was attributed to Julius Caesar, although that might not actually be who said it. The quote is a pun, because at the time, Latin speakers of modern-day Spain would merge <b> and <v> (this is still true of modern-day Spanish) so that vivere "to live" and bibere "to drink" were pronounced the same.

(Or, since vivere has a long i and bibere has a short i, perhaps the quote is really referencing the fact that Spaniards would mix up vivere and bibere in writing, not in speech. Or maybe it's simply referencing the fact that they pronounced <b> and <v> the same, without regard to the fact that they would have pronounced vivere and bibere differently because of the vowel length difference. I suppose it's possible that Spaniards of the time merged the vowels as well, but that's unlikely since Latin long and short i in most cases ultimately became modern Spanish /i/ and /e/, respectively, as in modern Spanish vivir "to live" and beber "to drink".)
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Znex
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Re: Jokes

Post by Znex » Mon 24 Apr 2017, 16:17

GrandPiano wrote:I recently came across this Latin quote:

Beati hispani, quibis vivere bibere est.

Translation: The lucky Spanish, for whom living is drinking.

When I saw the quote, it was attributed to Julius Caesar, although that might not actually be who said it. The quote is a pun, because at the time, Latin speakers of modern-day Spain would merge <b> and <v> (this is still true of modern-day Spanish) so that vivere "to live" and bibere "to drink" were pronounced the same.
Actually it looks more like a parody of the Beatitudes from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, as from the Vulgate (eg. "Beati pacifici, quoniam filii Dei vocabuntur"). One could read it as being similar to The Life of Brian's "Blessed are the cheesemakers..."
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Dormouse559
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » Fri 28 Jul 2017, 19:48

What kind of perfume did they wear on the Hindenburg?

Eau de humanity!
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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » Tue 08 Aug 2017, 00:48

Image
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien
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Re: Jokes

Post by Egerius » Tue 08 Aug 2017, 11:05

Probably a bad pun.

Alright, I know that there are Polynesian languages... What about Mononesian languages?

ba-dum-tsss...
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