Jokes

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Ælfwine
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Re: Jokes

Post by Ælfwine » 09 Aug 2018 20:56

Alessio wrote:
28 Jul 2018 20:21
A couple of good old Emilian jokes - as usual, written in the Vignolese dialect.

"Bâbo, mo cuṡ'ě-la la bigamìa?"
"L'è avěr-eg na mujěra ed trôp..."
"E la monogamìa?"
"... cumpagn"

"Hey dad, what's bigamy?"
"It's having one wife too many."
"And monogamy?"
"... the same"


This one has two versions:

I gh'ein trî mât indal manicômi ch'i gh'an da pasêr l'eṡâm par fêr vàder ch'i ein guarî e turnêr a cà.
Al diretǒr a dmanda coun al prém:
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
Al mât a-g peinsa un pǒg, pò al dîṡ "a-n soun pió boun ed caminêr".
Al diretǒr a-l guêrda mêl e a-g dîṡ ed turnêr indal manicômi, ch'a-n n'è ménga incàra ǒra.
A rîva al secànd:
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
"... a-n seint pió i udǒr."
Gninta, anc quàst al tǒrna deinter. A rîva al těrz...
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
E quàl, seinza gnanc pinsêreg: "A n'eg vàd pió da un ôc'!"
Al diretǒr l'armagn stranî e a-g e-dmanda "e s'a-t tâli anc cl'êtra?"
"Alǒra a n'eg vàd prôpria pió gninta!"
"Mo bein, mo parchè dî-t acsè?"
"Eh, parchè a-m câsca al capêl davanti i ôc'!"

Three mad people in an asylum have to pass a test to prove they are no longer mad, and can therefore go back home.
The director calls in the first one:
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
The madman thinks about it for a while, then he says "I won't be able to walk anymore".
The director shakes his head and sends him back to his room, as it's obviously not his time to leave yet.
The second one comes in:
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
"... I won't be able to smell anything anymore."
Another fail, another madman going back to his room. The third one comes in...
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
The madman, without even thinking, says "I won't be able to see from one eye!"
The director, surprised by this answer, asks "and what if I cut the other one as well?"
"Well then I won't see anything anymore!"
"But why? I don't get it."
"Well, my hat would fall and cover my eyes..."

The second version is the same, except the test is being asked to jump into an empty pool. The first two jump and crash to the ground, but the third one refuses. When asked why, he says
"eh, an gh'avîva ménga la scófia adôs!"
("well, I was not wearing a swimming cap!")

I find the Emelian-Romagnolo dialects to be fascinating. Thanks for this.
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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 13 Dec 2018 22:30

It is a common trope in Jewish humor to say that the Jewish population of the Polish town of Chełm (Yiddish /xɛlm/ or /xɛlɛm/) were all fools.
Thus a Chelm joke:
/ɪn xɛlm ɪz gɛven a tifr̩ taix/
/ɪn ain vux hubn̩ zɪx durtn̩ dɛrtrinkn̩ tsvai ment͡ʃn̩ bes zai hubn̩ zɪx gɛbudn̩/
/vɛn di: xɛlmr̩ ji:dn̩ hubn̩ dus gɛhɛrt hubn̩ zai baʃlusn̩/
/dus tur nɛr nɪʃt gɛʃen/
/fin jɛt͡ʃt un tur kainr̩ niʃt araingain ɪn vasr̩ oib er kɛn nɪʃt fri:ɛr ʃvɪmn̩/
"In Chelm there was a deep river. In one week two men drowned while trying to bathe [in it]. When the Jews of Chelm heard of it, they were upset. They decreed: This is upsetting. One cannot go in the water unless they know alraedy how to swim"
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 08 Jan 2019 22:35

Can you imagine Monty Python’s The Brothers Karamazov?
Ivan: My story is laid in Spain, in Seville, in the most terrible time of the Inquisition…
Alyosha: Vat is dis Ivan? I didn’t expect de Spanish Inkvasition!
Ivan: Nobody does!
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 08 Jan 2019 23:20

Another Chelm Joke:
A Jew from Chelm bought a new chair for his living room. When he got home, the chair was to large for his door. Another saw him and said "your bedroom window is big enough"
"It's too high up"
"No problem. We break the chair into pieces and throw them through the window!"
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Creyeditor
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Re: Jokes

Post by Creyeditor » 09 Jan 2019 15:43

I like this one [:D]
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 16 Jan 2019 18:29

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a bar…

The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore » 17 Jan 2019 00:22

[:D] [:D] [:D]

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All4Ɇn
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Re: Jokes

Post by All4Ɇn » 14 Feb 2019 01:12

Here's a German one I just thought up:
Wie weiß man, dass Hunde sehr gute Architekten sind?
Weil sie immer „Bau, wow“ sagen!


Here's a slightly different English translation:
How do you know that dogs are great architects?
Because they always say "roof roof"

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Dormouse559
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » 28 May 2019 06:48

French newspaper Le Figaro posted on Facebook about how Sophie Turner, who played the character Sansa on "Game of Thrones", once separated from her now-husband. And the caption has a cute pun in it. It reads:
L'actrice de Game of Thrones a brièvement vécu... Sansa moitié 😎
Which translates literally as: "The Game of Thrones actress briefly lived … Sansa half".

But Sansa is pronounced /sɑ̃sa/ in French, which sounds just like sans sa "without his/her/its". So when you say the sentence out loud, it means: "The Game of Thrones actress briefly lived … without her better half".

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