"Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

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"Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Chagen » 13 Sep 2016 02:33

Does anyone else ever get a sort of "extreme niche blues" when conlanging? I've been working a lot on Kirroŋa recently, and I'm often spending 4-8 hours working on it. All this time of my life spent, on such an extremely niche interest not 0.01% of the world cares about. All I have is you guys and the ZBB. But both of these forums are very slow and I don't hear much feedback. Not to mention this hobby is, if we want to be honest, "pointless". I mean, all hobbies are, but conlanging is extremely niche compared to, say, video gaming or writing. Sometimes when I'm conlanging, I have this nagging feeling in the back of my head of "why aren't you doing something more worthwhile, like video gaming or writing a story or learning to fucking draw like you said you would 7 goddamn months ago you lazy fuck". I know, that sounds ridiculous, given that video games are just as pointless as this, but video games are mainstream. If you're a gamer, you're doing mainstream nerd shit and have millions of companions. Conlangers on the other hand are weirdos in the corner doing incomprehensible stuff.

You know, I really depend on you guys. You're the closest thing I have to friends. I always worry about one day opening my browser and finding this forum shuttered down, the servers gone or given to some other site. All of my work: gone. All of you guys: gone, probably never to be seen again. It's a pretty scary thought. Where else would I have to go but the ZBB (granted, we would probably all make a giant exodus there, but still)?

I know I'm way too paranoid and anxious, but I seriously don't know what I'd do without you guys. This is going to sound, like, hilariously creepy, but you guys are like my family, practically (I guess in this metaphor the ZBB are quirky relatives I visit every once in a while). Being on the CBB makes me happy. Conlanging makes me happy. But I still can't brush away those thoughts of how what I'm doing is "pointless" and the terror of this forum closing down.

This is going to sound ludicrously petty, but I think this stems from when I was on another forum and just getting into conlanging (I mean, way back. We're talking Demonos and Kron. Sheesh!). It was a TvTropes spin-off so we were all pretty nerdy and I excitedly showed them my conlanging. Most people were politely indifferent but one guy--one guy--said "why are you wasting your time doing this when you could be spending time learning a real language?" And I didn't tell him, but that really hurt. And I'm the kind of person who will struggle with complexes and anxiety issues after being hurt just one time. I know it doesn't matter. He was just one guy. I should stop caring about other people's opinions and live my life how I wish. But I can't. I am super-conscious of how others think of me. I find validation for my own beliefs through interacting with others who share them, but all it takes is just one person who doesn't share my opinion and I'm crushed. Like, if I like a band, but someone else doesn't, I'll become super-anxious and ashamed of liking that band, wondering if maybe I just have shit taste and that person is better than me.

Sigh. I'm a complete mental nutcase of anxiety and issues, but this forum is one of the ways I cope through life. I want to say thanks to everyone on the CBB (and ZBB for that matter, even if we constantly butt heads). Thanks for sharing the same passion as me and letting me take part in it. Thanks for being so nice to me. This is by far the forum I have posted the most on in my entire life. I still can't believe I have nearly 4000 posts (3830 as of this post) on here. That's a staggering number. I have posts from here when I was a goddamn high school sophomore! I have spent just over five years of my life on this place. That's one quarter of my entire existence here on this planet. It's mind-blowing.

I just wish I were less of a anxiety-ridden paranoid with negative self-esteem.

We all have our secret passions, I guess. Perhaps I should embrace Faux-Nihilism and realize that everything is pointless in the end since we'll all just up rotting in the ground six feet under.
Nūdenku waga honji ma naku honyasi ne ika-ika ichamase!
female-appearance=despite boy-voice=PAT hold boy-youth=TOP very be.cute-3PL
Honyasi zō honyasi ma naidasu.
boy-youth=AGT boy-youth=PAT love.romantically-3S

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by gestaltist » 13 Sep 2016 10:08

Yeah, I get that feeling, too. It is also the reason why I've been gravitating more toward the IRC chat - you get instant feedback. Posting here and then getting zero comments can be very frustrating.

On the other hand, I don't feel like I'm wasting time. Or rather: when I get that thought, I am asking myself, what else I would be doing with that time, and whether it would be more gratifying. And I mostly decide I would be wasting it anyway, and this way at least I have created something.

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by OTʜᴇB » 24 Nov 2016 22:16

I personally think that conlanging has lots of point. I'm sure most people will agree that when you understand something at least to a moderate level, then you see it come up and think "Hey I know this!" and get that little surge of smugness, especially when everyone around you is clueless. Conlanging really got me into Linguistics, and bloody heel do I feel powerful now. Just when I'm bored, I can practice exotic sounds I previously had no concept of, I can take something as simple as people with a sdotty dose and know why all the nasals become plosives. As pointless as it sounds, being knowledgeable and having understanding in any field is very useful, and can save us from the dreaded bottom end of the :wikip: dunning-kruger spectrum.

I've been losing inspiration and ideas for conlangs recently too though, and I definitely know what it feels like. I've had a similar thing with music production for a few months now and my mood has been noticeably and consistently lower. One thing I find helps quite often is to "rediscover" it in some way. Look at what you used to enjoy about conlanging, then look for a part of it you haven't touched yet and explore that. Learning this new bit of conlanging might spark your interest again and you might get that sudden flood of ideas that is like a heavy drug.

Then about the idea of conlangers being "weirdos in the corner doing incomprehensible stuff." Why not try and embrace the weirdness? Almost anyone can pick up a keyboard and mouse or a controller of sorts and do at least a mediocre job of playing a video game, but it takes a fair amount of knowledge and understanding to do a mediocre job of a conlang. It is a pointless hobby, but it's a specialist pointless hobby, only fit for those capable of grasping it - and that should be the focus of it. Regardless of its use, you are skilled in something special and rare which can be fun for the most-part and mind-blowing at its best.

Look at the hobby itself, not its relation to other things - then the hobby suddenly becomes even more amasing. This is also the basis of the art of not giving a fuck, which is equally useful (especially now-a-days with some of the utter imbeciles roaming the earth in wi-fi guided hordes).
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Lambuzhao » 25 Nov 2016 16:33

Ona, Ci vadya kinu Kron.
Nuoku, Gak Demonos kinustorengo.
Spoiler:
Thought no one was paying attention? Well, I have been, in my own Lambu way.
[B)]

I work like a caŋguddaddaŋŋam to pay bills.

God, I love :con: ing, if for only being able to share words like caŋguddaddaŋŋam - pure føkking poetry! [<3] [<3] [<3] [+1]

Most of my non-work time, I try to spend with my son, or grading 'n' stuff.
I go out very irregularly, to the chagrin of friends, family, and the girlfirends (past & current).

Yet, I always make some time to conlang.
It is my own world.
It is mine.
Mine.
It is a mine that I mine
for all kinds of ideas
And a place to pour all kinds of ideas into.

The Internet had just about caught up.
CBB and ZBB just about catch up.
And they are valuable supports.

I suppose it's an escape, our collective/individual escape
a secret vice into a whole new world
but it's our world
I for one am glad for it.

I know I have said this before, but I don't mind saying it again.


:con: Very Bad Sunago

chōzu na nasuro.
feeling.useless TOP be.3SG.NEG
Not allowed, this <conlang> blues is.

Chagen, plz get yourself a job somewheres, if you haven't already.
I LOVED shelving books at the local library. It paid a pittance, but they left me alone to stack books, and I don't know how many anthologies, novels, language books, magazines, etc. I rifled through in the guise of 'work'. And they PAID me for it!

chazo ne tvomaran. Nisu?
Whoever said that... ...U need to listen to them. [:$] [:3]


Make a little cha-ching for yourself. You'll be glad you did! [:)]

And then you will better be able to tell the Ocean from the Shore,
better be able to appreciate both,
And stop yourself from getting stuck in the Looking Glass between both, never reaching either, and being hypnotized by your own reflection(s).

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/23 ... 956bab.jpg

Dekirukana!

:con: Just about Passable Sumbyaku
Ora za! Zuma!
[;)]

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by clawgrip » 25 Nov 2016 16:58

The biggest disappointment for me is that I think the majority of people do not bother to read the majority of stuff other people write about their conlangs. No matter how awesome the thing you made seems, probably you're the only one with enough knowledge to appreciate it. Lots of people write their own stuff and wait for feedback, but forgets they are not providing feedback in return. I do this all the time, and feel a bit hypocritical about it.

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by k1234567890y » 25 Nov 2016 18:56

clawgrip wrote:The biggest disappointment for me is that I think the majority of people do not bother to read the majority of stuff other people write about their conlangs. No matter how awesome the thing you made seems, probably you're the only one with enough knowledge to appreciate it. Lots of people write their own stuff and wait for feedback, but forgets they are not providing feedback in return. I do this all the time, and feel a bit hypocritical about it.
maybe we should just try to make more replies on the conlangs of others?
...

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by elemtilas » 25 Nov 2016 18:58

Lambuzhao wrote:Yet, I always make some time to conlang.
It is my own world.
It is mine.
Mine.
It is a mine that I mine
for all kinds of ideas
And a place to pour all kinds of ideas into.

The Internet had just about caught up.
CBB and ZBB just about catch up.
And they are valuable supports.

I suppose it's an escape, our collective/individual escape
a secret vice into a whole new world
but it's our world
I for one am glad for it.

I know I have said this before, but I don't mind saying it again.
[+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] [+1] To what you said here!


Chagen, plz get yourself a job somewheres, if you haven't already.
I LOVED shelving books at the local library. It paid a pittance, but they left me alone to stack books, and I don't know how many anthologies, novels, language books, magazines, etc. I rifled through in the guise of 'work'. And they PAID me for it!
Agreed! I gave this same basic advice to Shimo this last summer. (And it was the same advice my glossopoetic cousin gave me years before!) My goodness, but that relatively low paying office job afforded wonderful opportunities for access to a very fine copy machine and various supplies that made research for the purposes of language invention só much easier! You just have to learn to churn through the paid work and balance it off with reading and taking note of interesting goodies in all those books!
chazo ne tvomaran. Nisu?
Whoever said that... ...U need to listen to them. [:$] [:3]


Make a little cha-ching for yourself. You'll be glad you did! [:)]

And then you will better be able to tell the Ocean from the Shore,
better be able to appreciate both,
And stop yourself from getting stuck in the Looking Glass between both, never reaching either, and being hypnotized by your own reflection(s).

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/23 ... 956bab.jpg

Dekirukana!

:con: Just about Passable Sumbyaku
Ora za! Zuma!
[;)]
Yep. One place you do nòt want to get stuck is in the Mirrorworld! As you, I am sure my dear Lambu!, are well aware, within any reflective surface, such as a mirror or even a shard of ice, there is the gateway to the Mirrorworld. It is a different set of dimensions that reflect ours but are said to have no independent action apart from our world. What this means is that any life or activity that appears to happen in the Mirrorworld happens because it is reflected thereinto from our world. When there is no light to enter the Mirrorworld, there is nothing in the Mirrorworld. Mirrorworld is best thought of as a depthless world -- from the outside, Mirrorworld appears to be a colorful place full of activity much like our own world. But from the inside, its lack of dimension means that no interaction can take place -- no touch, no speech. If a real person becomes stuck in Mirrorworld, he will eventually go mad with no one to talk to, no one to interact with. He becomes a phantom flitting from mirror to mirror, ever looking out on the polydimensional world Outside, but never able to reach out towards it. It is said there are portals that allow the initiated to enter and leave Mirrorworld at will, but their location is not generally known. Such portals are best left to the initiated, anyway!
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If we stuff the whole chicken back into the egg, will all our problems go away? --- Wandalf of Angera

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Void » 25 Nov 2016 19:20

I know that it's been like three months, but still.
Chagen wrote:"Why are you wasting your time doing this when you could be spending time learning a real language?"
Why not both? Conlanging has helped me immensely in studying other languages. It makes it easier for me to remember words and grammatical concepts, many of which are complex to non-conlangers/linguistics. I'm just an amateur linguist, but it's of great help. If learning other languages isn't your thing, then that's cool. Hell, I'd bet that guy also has some esoteric hobby that he wouldn't share out of "shame."
Chagen wrote:Perhaps I should embrace Faux-Nihilism and realize that everything is pointless in the end since we'll all just up rotting in the ground six feet under.
Get intoxicated and listen to black metal. You'll find the answers you seek there.
Qōxyatha'xothri (Qohic)

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by elemtilas » 25 Nov 2016 19:36

clawgrip wrote:The biggest disappointment for me is that I think the majority of people do not bother to read the majority of stuff other people write about their conlangs. No matter how awesome the thing you made seems, probably you're the only one with enough knowledge to appreciate it. Lots of people write their own stuff and wait for feedback, but forgets they are not providing feedback in return. I do this all the time, and feel a bit hypocritical about it.
Well, I know of at least one person around here who will not only read about one's conlang, but will also come along months or years later and quiz one on it! Most disconcerting the first time it happens, I can tell you!

One of the problems with language invention as art in and of itself is that it does not really lend itself to communal or external appreciation the way music or sculpture do. When a conlang is used as part of a greater work of art (a song, a story), its effects can certainly be appreciated. But rare indeed is the art collector who actively seeks out conlang grammars and studies them in depth. So, you are right, the language inventor herself is really the only one sufficiently prepared or equipped to appreciate that particular invented language.

I do try to offer feedback on languages and especially in the conculture forum. But I have noticed that very many times, the initial flurry of conlanging activity & feedback will be followed by, well, nothing. The conversation kind of peters out and we never hear anything more about the language. Either that or the person throws a hissy fit and finds himself booted from the forum.

The other thing about feedback and invented languages is that it tends to be of the "cool, I like it" or "sounds like XYZ natlang" type. As an art, language invention lacks any kind of nuanced critical apparatus. I mean, we can distinguish between a relex and a conlang and can offer some vague beginner vs. masterwork suggestions; and we can offer gut or emotional reactions. But there exists no apparatus for evaluating the technical skill, the artistry, the depth or individual stamp.

Part of this has to do with what gets presented here as well. We get scads of phonological expositions; rather a few tidbits of grammar; not much in the way of syntax and precious little in the way of plein jeu of invented language in use along with the depth of history underlying it.

I find it rather more difficult to offer criticism or feedback about the aesthetics of phonology than the deeper aspects of the language, which I don't get to see too frequently! [:'(]

On the other hand, I can't complain too much about that! I haven't discussed a whole lot of that sort of thing even for the languages I've mentioned here. Unless Lambuzhao twists my arm to get me to spill the beans, I'd much rather reveal aspects of culture and history than language and hope for discussion about them! Like I noticed recently, as was rather astounded by the fact, that there have been something like 10k views of my little thread on stuff from The World. Mind you, I don't know if this is three people who've each viewed the thread thousands of times, or thousands of individuals who have taken a peek and fled screaming in terror. Either way, discussion or feedback would be oh so nice!
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Ahzoh » 25 Nov 2016 19:40

Conlanging seems to be the kind of art that all will participate in but none will merely appreciate. On the otherhand, I've seen people to try to analyze Zompist's languages.
"why are you wasting your time doing this when you could be spending time learning a real language?"
Like saying "why are you wasting your time making paintings when you could be spending time looking at real paintings?".
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Sḿtuval » 26 Nov 2016 07:53

There was a time when I'd try to get my friends to even feign interest in my conlanging/linguistics interest but I quickly learned that wasn't going to happen. I never use the word conlang with anyone who isn't already into conlangs so I suppose "made-up language" could have made it sound dumber than it really is. Either way, I'm fine with it, since I can't expect the people I know to care as much as I do about my interests. It's still a bit of a drag when I can't share a language pun since no one would get it, though.

I don't spend much time on the CBB as much as I used to (if at all, really), and I'm investing less time in conlanging, although I have been spending more time on CWS now. This doesn't mean I'm done with conlanging, but there comes a point where the effort outweighs the personal satisfaction. I think part of the reason I was more active then was because I didn't play video games as much as I do now, but probably more because I'm too lazy to fully develop my current conlangs.

Sure I could be doing more "productive" things, but I don't really care about being productive (for now). I see why people think conlanging's a waste of time, especially when I see other hobbies that, frankly, make me laugh at the height of something so... pointless. It's fun, and it's also led to me learning a lot about language which I admittedly try to subtly show off whenever I can. I'm probably going to keep investing time in this interest for some time. So no, I don't get "conlanging blues".

I've never really had major problems with anxiety before, so I don't really know how you feel, Chagen. All I can say is that I hope your anxiety doesn't keep you from doing what you love.
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Ælfwine » 11 Dec 2016 05:41

I can sympathize a lot actually, as I share much of the same feelings.

I had originally started conlanging back in mid 2015 because I am primarily a world-builder and creator of geofiction, and I wanted a conlang for my conpeople, a Northern Germanic people, to speak. I have not been able to accomplish it, and while I have worked on other conlangs and have done other stuff since then, I am no closer to my goal than I was over a year ago, when I first joined this site, and a few months before that.

I had since then, considered using a ten year old conlang from someone on another board for my project, precisely because it achieves what I have so failed to accomplish by my own standards in my eyes, but I haven’t been able to contact them for permission and have been wary of accusations of plagiarism, and finally because I wanted something original. (See my questions and concerns in the plagiarism thread). But it just so happens that I am never satisfied with what I create, because it never achieves the standards I want it to achieve, especially when I compare it to conlangs by other people with similar goals and intents.

Although I have had help (shout out to Ephraim in particular), all I feel like is going around in a ferris wheel in regards to my conlanging and creating too much unnecessary stress.

Edit: Sorry if I used your thread for my own rants/problems, but trust me, you aren't alone in this matter. For you, I would advise not letting other people's opinions get in the way of your personal enjoyment of conlanging. Personally I don't talk to anyone about my conlanging, since I consider it to be apart of my nation-building and more of a private hobby than anything else (I don't even release much here!) If conlanging causes you stress, then I advise not to pursue it when that stress gets to you (in fact, I could use this advice myself, but I am to committed to it.)
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Davush » 11 Dec 2016 12:51

Lambuzhao wrote:
Chagen, plz get yourself a job somewheres, if you haven't already.
I LOVED shelving books at the local library. It paid a pittance, but they left me alone to stack books, and I don't know how many anthologies, novels, language books, magazines, etc. I rifled through in the guise of 'work'. And they PAID me for it!
I don't know where Chagen is, but this might be a lot more difficult than it sounds? I know in my area there are virtually zero jobs going in libraries and even the competition for simple office-based jobs (with unstable contracts, bad hours, and bad pay) is ridiculous.

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by elemtilas » 11 Dec 2016 17:41

Davush wrote:
Lambuzhao wrote:
Chagen, plz get yourself a job somewheres, if you haven't already.
I LOVED shelving books at the local library. It paid a pittance, but they left me alone to stack books, and I don't know how many anthologies, novels, language books, magazines, etc. I rifled through in the guise of 'work'. And they PAID me for it!
I don't know where Chagen is, but this might be a lot more difficult than it sounds? I know in my area there are virtually zero jobs going in libraries and even the competition for simple office-based jobs (with unstable contracts, bad hours, and bad pay) is ridiculous.
As I recall, deep in the heart of Texas somewhere.

Also, the point of these jobs is not to earn a "living wage" or find nirvanic working conditions or the perfect contract with all the bennies. The point is simply do something productive with your time, take a little (more) responsibility for your life (he is an adult, after all), earn a little money while in school so you don't have to rely on wonky parents so much, get out of the house a little (and away from a toxic environment) and lastly, find those opportunities for some stealth learning / research / conlanging / writing.

Anyway, of course, you are correct that much will depend on location. I don't know where you yourself are located, but in the US at least, student jobs on university campi are almost always plentiful and relatively easy to get. They are not looking for polished and accomplished and experienced professionals. They're looking for students to do some scut work!

A random selection of student jobs available at a <url=http://www.baylor.edu/student_employmen ... 9>largeish Texas university</url> reveals all sorts of get rich slowly opportunities. The cartoonist job sounds ideal for a young, creative man with even a modicum of drawing skill! Any of the clerical positions would afford loads of opportunity to contemplate, work through problems in conlangs or cultures, dream up stories, etc. As a student, you don't háve to work in a library per se to reap these benefits. Although I note at least a half dozen library jobs at Baylor on that list. Even the work in the stables would afford plenty of interesting opportunities.
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Davush » 11 Dec 2016 18:21

elemtilas wrote:
Davush wrote:
Lambuzhao wrote:
Chagen, plz get yourself a job somewheres, if you haven't already.
I LOVED shelving books at the local library. It paid a pittance, but they left me alone to stack books, and I don't know how many anthologies, novels, language books, magazines, etc. I rifled through in the guise of 'work'. And they PAID me for it!
I don't know where Chagen is, but this might be a lot more difficult than it sounds? I know in my area there are virtually zero jobs going in libraries and even the competition for simple office-based jobs (with unstable contracts, bad hours, and bad pay) is ridiculous.
As I recall, deep in the heart of Texas somewhere.

Also, the point of these jobs is not to earn a "living wage" or find nirvanic working conditions or the perfect contract with all the bennies. The point is simply do something productive with your time, take a little (more) responsibility for your life (he is an adult, after all), earn a little money while in school so you don't have to rely on wonky parents so much, get out of the house a little (and away from a toxic environment) and lastly, find those opportunities for some stealth learning / research / conlanging / writing.

Anyway, of course, you are correct that much will depend on location. I don't know where you yourself are located, but in the US at least, student jobs on university campi are almost always plentiful and relatively easy to get. They are not looking for polished and accomplished and experienced professionals. They're looking for students to do some scut work!

A random selection of student jobs available at a <url=http://www.baylor.edu/student_employmen ... 9>largeish Texas university</url> reveals all sorts of get rich slowly opportunities. The cartoonist job sounds ideal for a young, creative man with even a modicum of drawing skill! Any of the clerical positions would afford loads of opportunity to contemplate, work through problems in conlangs or cultures, dream up stories, etc. As a student, you don't háve to work in a library per se to reap these benefits. Although I note at least a half dozen library jobs at Baylor on that list. Even the work in the stables would afford plenty of interesting opportunities.
Fair enough - I'm in a region where youth unemployment is nearly 25%, with a lot of 'employed' people working in zero-hour contracts, little work available for students, and constant government cuts, etc., so the advice to find a job (especially for young people without much work experience) sounds a lot easier than it is when I consider the situation here, but obviously that's a different location so hopefully things are more optimistic where Chagen is.

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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Chagen » 11 Dec 2016 20:03

elemtilas wrote:
As I recall, deep in the heart of Texas somewhere.
San Antonio! Not exactly stereotypical Texas, we have a healthy Hispanic population, always vote Democrat/Blue, and are pretty urban. There's very little of the distinctive Texas drawl here (or maybe there is and I'm just numb to it from living here all of my life) and we're expanding a lot and booming. Ninth-largest city in the US of A, though it doesn't really feel like it--my dad's friend (rest his soul) said "San Antonio is the biggest one horse town in the US".
Anyway, of course, you are correct that much will depend on location. I don't know where you yourself are located, but in the US at least, student jobs on university campi are almost always plentiful and relatively easy to get. They are not looking for polished and accomplished and experienced professionals. They're looking for students to do some scut work!
I live right down the road from the University of Texas at San Antonio, which I attend (though "attend" is stretching it...). I might be able to find a library job there.

I need to get a job somehow. I need financial independence from my parents somehow. When my grandfather died and we lost his veteran checks, my family a major source of income and we've been struggling ever since. I just want to feel independent somehow.
Nūdenku waga honji ma naku honyasi ne ika-ika ichamase!
female-appearance=despite boy-voice=PAT hold boy-youth=TOP very be.cute-3PL
Honyasi zō honyasi ma naidasu.
boy-youth=AGT boy-youth=PAT love.romantically-3S

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elemtilas
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by elemtilas » 11 Dec 2016 21:42

Chagen wrote:
elemtilas wrote:
As I recall, deep in the heart of Texas somewhere.
San Antonio! Not exactly stereotypical Texas, we have a healthy Hispanic population, always vote Democrat/Blue, and are pretty urban. There's very little of the distinctive Texas drawl here (or maybe there is and I'm just numb to it from living here all of my life) and we're expanding a lot and booming. Ninth-largest city in the US of A, though it doesn't really feel like it--my dad's friend (rest his soul) said "San Antonio is the biggest one horse town in the US".
Anyway, of course, you are correct that much will depend on location. I don't know where you yourself are located, but in the US at least, student jobs on university campi are almost always plentiful and relatively easy to get. They are not looking for polished and accomplished and experienced professionals. They're looking for students to do some scut work!
I live right down the road from the University of Texas at San Antonio, which I attend (though "attend" is stretching it...). I might be able to find a library job there.
Sounds like a good time to ask yourself some serious questions about two things: one, of course, is your future; the other is, of course, your present circumstance (at home). I think you know the answers, deep down.
I need to get a job somehow. I need financial independence from my parents somehow. When my grandfather died and we lost his veteran checks, my family a major source of income and we've been struggling ever since. I just want to feel independent somehow.
http://utsa.uloop.com/news/view.php/205 ... -On-Campus
https://www.utsa.edu/uctr/student_employment.html
http://www.utsa.edu/careercenter/studen ... _jobs.html

There are three roads to Somehow...
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If we stuff the whole chicken back into the egg, will all our problems go away? --- Wandalf of Angera

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Inkcube-Revolver
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by Inkcube-Revolver » 12 Dec 2016 02:53

Chagen, a lot of people have made excellent and helpful comments on the frustrations that people have with themselves and their hobbies, whether it be video gaming, conlanging, or doing that boat-in-the-bottle-scultping(?) thing (seriously what is that even called?), but hopefully you're getting the message: do what you can, and do what you love. Having a job is one step closer to independence, and though independence is sometimes not as glamorous as it's made out to be, it's a goal, an a good one most people should strive for.

I'll keep my post short, but I'm quite the amateur to conlanging, I've only been really doing it for maybe two years, but since coming on this site, posts like yours and a few others have been immensely inspirational on how I think about this strange little world we've all found for ourselves. Not saying that CONLANGS will be the next Mario or anything, but stuff like video games, basketball, chess, hell, even writing and art were all at some point cliques and frontiers only a few people knew anything about or how to do. It shouldn't matter if nobody you know in person also conlangs, if it's fun for you, keep letting it be fun for you!

And from one guy who draws to another who wants to: You have to want to do it if means that much to you. At some point, I thought the only thing I could do was draw, but because I've been expanding my palate for the arts, my buffer zones, and my intellectual horizons, I'm learning to love drawing all over again through writing, conlanging, and, more recently, poetry and music.
Just figure out what you truly want to do, and go for it. Only you can stop you, it's cheesy, I know, I was an extremely cynical asshole for a while because I saw how cheesy it was, and despite that, I'm getting shit done. It'll take a while, it always does, but you'll achieve what you're pining for when you know what you're even after. Support is cherishable, take advantage of what resources are still available to you and turn shit around. You'll thank yourself later for not letting your inner demons get the best of you.

- To a promising future! Cheers!
I like my languages how I like my women: grammatically complex with various moods and tenses, a thin line between nouns and verbs, and dozens upon dozens of possible conjugations for every single verb.

HoskhMatriarch
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Re: "Conlanging Blues" and zero self-esteem

Post by HoskhMatriarch » 14 Dec 2016 09:17

@Chagen Just find some other groups/individuals to hang out with (mostly real life), get some other hobbies, maybe take a break, but don't quit conlanging if you like it. Yeah, it's niche, but people who do extremely niche things are always the coolest. You just need to be sort of well-rounded, because if you only have one hobby, no matter what that is, and if all your friends and "family" are on the Internet, you're going to feel unsatisfied. Now, sometimes life can be hard in general (to make an understatement), but even if you can't do anything super practical now, at least try the best you can.
No darkness can harm you if you are guided by your own inner light

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