Jokes

What can I say? It doesn't fit above, put it here. Also the location of board rules/info.
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Shemtov
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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 04 May 2018 06:12

How do physicists greet people today, (May the fourth)?
May the mass * acceleration be with you!
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Scytheria
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Re: Jokes

Post by Scytheria » 12 May 2018 16:25

I'm guessing that the following will cause a few scratched heads. You'll either get it, get it but not find it funny, or not have a clue what's going on... I think being silly and British helps. It's currently my favourite ever joke precisely because people's reactions are so varied.

Q - What do you call a dinosaur with no legs?
A - A fsh.


I should add, this is the exact opposite of what the thread is about, being completely Anglo-based. But contrast, you know.
I went for a ride on a spaceship [O.O]

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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 17 May 2018 06:19

Conlangers were discussing the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis; Clueless Paramount Execs, hearing the second name, took them to court for "stealing Klingon".
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore » 18 May 2018 05:27

I never finished learning the whole alphabet. I don’t know why.

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Re: Jokes

Post by Khemehekis » 18 May 2018 05:42

Shemtov wrote:
17 May 2018 06:19
Conlangers were discussing the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis; Clueless Paramount Execs, hearing the second name, took them to court for "stealing Klingon".
Were you inspired by this discussion, by any chance?


Edit: Look at this page -- now exactly half of my posts are on the Conlangs board!
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Re: Jokes

Post by alynnidalar » 18 May 2018 15:25

eldin raigmore wrote:
18 May 2018 05:27
I never finished learning the whole alphabet. I don’t know why.
:roll: [xD]

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All4Ɇn
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Re: Jokes

Post by All4Ɇn » 18 May 2018 22:16

Scytheria wrote:
12 May 2018 16:25
I'm guessing that the following will cause a few scratched heads. You'll either get it, get it but not find it funny, or not have a clue what's going on... I think being silly and British helps. It's currently my favourite ever joke precisely because people's reactions are so varied.

Q - What do you call a dinosaur with no legs?
A - A fsh.
Count me in the group scratching their heads. :wat: Care to explain it?

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Re: Jokes

Post by GrandPiano » 19 May 2018 00:14

All4Ɇn wrote:
18 May 2018 22:16
Scytheria wrote:
12 May 2018 16:25
I'm guessing that the following will cause a few scratched heads. You'll either get it, get it but not find it funny, or not have a clue what's going on... I think being silly and British helps. It's currently my favourite ever joke precisely because people's reactions are so varied.

Q - What do you call a dinosaur with no legs?
A - A fsh.
Count me in the group scratching their heads. :wat: Care to explain it?
I’m familiar with the joke that starts “What do you call a fish with no eyes?” and has that punchline. Perhaps this is an intentional conflation of that joke with another one, and the humor comes from the fact that the wrong punchline is used?
:eng: - Native
:chn: - B2
:esp: - A2
:jpn: - A2

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eldin raigmore
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Re: Jokes

Post by eldin raigmore » 19 May 2018 04:06

An Englishmen, a Scotsman, a Welshman, and an Irishman, all walk into a bar together.

So, the priest turns to the rabbi, and says “I think you and I are in the wrong joke“!

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Scytheria
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Re: Jokes

Post by Scytheria » 19 May 2018 13:36

All4Ɇn wrote:
18 May 2018 22:16
Scytheria wrote:
12 May 2018 16:25
I'm guessing that the following will cause a few scratched heads. You'll either get it, get it but not find it funny, or not have a clue what's going on... I think being silly and British helps. It's currently my favourite ever joke precisely because people's reactions are so varied.

Q - What do you call a dinosaur with no legs?
A - A fsh.
Count me in the group scratching their heads. :wat: Care to explain it?
It’s a reverse non-joke. As already said by GrandPiano, it requires the audience to know the proper joke, and delivers a punchline that is in no meaningful way set up by the intro line. Like I said, very silly.

If you like ‘knock knock’ jokes, I have a great one, but somebody will need to start it off for me...
I went for a ride on a spaceship [O.O]

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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 22 May 2018 05:28

eldin raigmore wrote:
19 May 2018 04:06
An Englishmen, a Scotsman, a Welshman, and an Irishman, all walk into a bar together.

So, the priest turns to the rabbi, and says “I think you and I are in the wrong joke“!
The Rabbi turns around and says "We Jews have a saying: You cannot ask a question of contradiction about a story."
(note that may not be funny to people who aren't aware of the saying, and the Hebrew/Aramaic/Yiddish/Yinglish word that I translate as "question of contradiction" is really hard to render into most European languages, though maybe Philosophers or Logicians have a word for it.)
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Dormouse559
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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » 20 Jun 2018 05:03

There should be an award for literature about hens. And only tell the recipients they've won when they're least expecting it. We can call it the Pullet Surprise.

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Re: Jokes

Post by Dormouse559 » 05 Jul 2018 09:33

I saw this post from a French-learning page I follow that gave alternate names for languages based on the pattern "la langue de [locuteur célèbre]" (the language of [famous speaker]). So English is la langue de Shakespeare, French is la langue de Molière, Chinese is la langue de Confucius. One of the commenters wrote, "Politique : la langue de bois" (~Politics: the language of doublespeak).

"Langue de bois" means "doublespeak, waffling, disingenuousness", but it also fits the "langue de" pattern established by the main post. It probably doesn't hurt that Bois is a valid surname.

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Re: Jokes

Post by Shemtov » 13 Jul 2018 20:07

A Jewish Joke I found in my Yiddish book:
A beggar once came to the Baron Rothschild's palace. He said to a servant "I must speak to the Baron". The servant took him to the Baron's secretary, who said "The Baron is busy, but he has given me the ability to give beggars from his his charity fund".
"No", The beggar insisted, I must speak with the Baron"
He begged and begged until the secretary gave in. She called on the Baron.
When he came out, the Baron said to the beggar, "What is so important that you asked for me?
The beggar said "Please, sir, give me Charity."
The Baron was fuming: "My secretary told you that she has the power to give you from my philanthropy fund. I was in the middle of writing a letter to make an important business deal. Why call me?"
"Oh, sir Baron, I am sorry. I know the Rothschilds are the best and richest businessmen in the whole world, but does that give your honorableness the right to advise a beggar who to be a beggar?"


And a Leventine Arab joke, from my Levantine Arabic book:
Juḥa and his were walking back to Juḥa's home. When they came near, a wind blew one of Juḥa's shirts off the clothes line. Juḥa began shouting "Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh!" Juḥa's friend said "Are you crazy? Why are you shouting 'Laḥamdullāh' when your shirt is lost?"
Juḥa replied "Should I not thank Allah, and shout 'Laḥamdullāh' over this? What if I was wearing that shirt when the wind blew it away?"
Many children make up, or begin to make up, imaginary languages. I have been at it since I could write.
-JRR Tolkien

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Re: Jokes

Post by Lambuzhao » 17 Jul 2018 02:18

Shemtov wrote:
13 Jul 2018 20:07
A Jewish Joke I found in my Yiddish book:
A beggar once came to the Baron Rothschild's palace. He said to a servant "I must speak to the Baron". The servant took him to the Baron's secretary, who said "The Baron is busy, but he has given me the ability to give beggars from his his charity fund".
"No", The beggar insisted, I must speak with the Baron"
He begged and begged until the secretary gave in. She called on the Baron.
When he came out, the Baron said to the beggar, "What is so important that you asked for me?
The beggar said "Please, sir, give me Charity."
The Baron was fuming: "My secretary told you that she has the power to give you from my philanthropy fund. I was in the middle of writing a letter to make an important business deal. Why call me?"
Almost could have sworn I saw this as the punchline:
Edit: "Oh, sir Baron, I am sorry. I know the Rothschilds are the best and richest chocolates in the whole world, but does that give your horribleness the right to advise a beggar who to be a beggar?"
Hooray for onset lysdexia! [:x]

And a Leventine Arab joke, from my Levantine Arabic book:
Juḥa and his were walking back to Juḥa's home. When they came near, a wind blew one of Juḥa's shirts off the clothes line. Juḥa began shouting "Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh!" Juḥa's friend said "Are you crazy? Why are you shouting 'Laḥamdullāh' when your shirt is lost?"
Juḥa replied "Should I not thank Allah, and shout 'Laḥamdullāh' over this? What if I was wearing that shirt when the wind blew it away?"
If I were in Juḥa's shirt,
I would have to have been stapled to the chicken, to at least be able to cross the road.

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Re: Jokes

Post by Lao Kou » 17 Jul 2018 05:32

Lambuzhao wrote:
17 Jul 2018 02:18
Shemtov wrote:
13 Jul 2018 20:07
And a Leventine Arab joke, from my Levantine Arabic book:
Juḥa and his were walking back to Juḥa's home. When they came near, a wind blew one of Juḥa's shirts off the clothes line. Juḥa began shouting "Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh!" Juḥa's friend said "Are you crazy? Why are you shouting 'Laḥamdullāh' when your shirt is lost?"
Juḥa replied "Should I not thank Allah, and shout 'Laḥamdullāh' over this? What if I was wearing that shirt when the wind blew it away?"
If I were in Juḥa's shirt, I would have to have been stapled to the chicken, to at least be able to cross the road.
[xD] Thanks, I needed that.
道可道,非常道
名可名,非常名

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Re: Jokes

Post by Lambuzhao » 17 Jul 2018 05:45

Lao Kou wrote:
17 Jul 2018 05:32
Lambuzhao wrote:
17 Jul 2018 02:18
Shemtov wrote:
13 Jul 2018 20:07
And a Leventine Arab joke, from my Levantine Arabic book:
Juḥa and his were walking back to Juḥa's home. When they came near, a wind blew one of Juḥa's shirts off the clothes line. Juḥa began shouting "Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh, Laḥamdullāh!" Juḥa's friend said "Are you crazy? Why are you shouting 'Laḥamdullāh' when your shirt is lost?"
Juḥa replied "Should I not thank Allah, and shout 'Laḥamdullāh' over this? What if I was wearing that shirt when the wind blew it away?"
If I were in Juḥa's shirt, I would have to have been stapled to the chicken, to at least be able to cross the road.
[xD] Thanks, I needed that.
Laḥamdullāh!
:mrgreen:

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Re: Jokes

Post by k1234567890y » 27 Jul 2018 13:38

0 and 8 met on a street, 0 said "hey, 8, why are you wearing a girdle around your waist?"

well, something more linguistic and cultural confined:

A duck said "quack, quack, quack"

The Min-nam word for "cold" sounds similar to the quack of a duck, so...
...

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Re: Jokes

Post by Alessio » 28 Jul 2018 20:21

A couple of good old Emilian jokes - as usual, written in the Vignolese dialect.

"Bâbo, mo cuṡ'ě-la la bigamìa?"
"L'è avěr-eg na mujěra ed trôp..."
"E la monogamìa?"
"... cumpagn"

"Hey dad, what's bigamy?"
"It's having one wife too many."
"And monogamy?"
"... the same"


This one has two versions:

I gh'ein trî mât indal manicômi ch'i gh'an da pasêr l'eṡâm par fêr vàder ch'i ein guarî e turnêr a cà.
Al diretǒr a dmanda coun al prém:
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
Al mât a-g peinsa un pǒg, pò al dîṡ "a-n soun pió boun ed caminêr".
Al diretǒr a-l guêrda mêl e a-g dîṡ ed turnêr indal manicômi, ch'a-n n'è ménga incàra ǒra.
A rîva al secànd:
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
"... a-n seint pió i udǒr."
Gninta, anc quàst al tǒrna deinter. A rîva al těrz...
"S'a-t tâli n'uràcia, sa sucěd?"
E quàl, seinza gnanc pinsêreg: "A n'eg vàd pió da un ôc'!"
Al diretǒr l'armagn stranî e a-g e-dmanda "e s'a-t tâli anc cl'êtra?"
"Alǒra a n'eg vàd prôpria pió gninta!"
"Mo bein, mo parchè dî-t acsè?"
"Eh, parchè a-m câsca al capêl davanti i ôc'!"

Three mad people in an asylum have to pass a test to prove they are no longer mad, and can therefore go back home.
The director calls in the first one:
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
The madman thinks about it for a while, then he says "I won't be able to walk anymore".
The director shakes his head and sends him back to his room, as it's obviously not his time to leave yet.
The second one comes in:
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
"... I won't be able to smell anything anymore."
Another fail, another madman going back to his room. The third one comes in...
"What happens if I cut your ear?"
The madman, without even thinking, says "I won't be able to see from one eye!"
The director, surprised by this answer, asks "and what if I cut the other one as well?"
"Well then I won't see anything anymore!"
"But why? I don't get it."
"Well, my hat would fall and cover my eyes..."

The second version is the same, except the test is being asked to jump into an empty pool. The first two jump and crash to the ground, but the third one refuses. When asked why, he says
"eh, an gh'avîva ménga la scófia adôs!"
("well, I was not wearing a swimming cap!")
:ita: :eng: [:D] | :fra: :esp: :rus: [:)] | :con: Hecathver, Hajás, Hedetsūrk, Darezh...

Tin't inameint ca tót a sàm stê żōv'n e un po' cajoun, mo s't'armâgn cajoun an vōl ménga dîr t'armâgn anc żōven...

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Re: Jokes

Post by shimobaatar » 08 Aug 2018 01:21

Thought of something really dumb earlier, and figured that this would probably be the best place to share it.

I found out recently that the song "I Melt with You" is by a band called "Modern English".

I wonder if, during the first few years after the band got together, they were known as "Early Modern English".

(Post #9998.)

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